Introduction
Hello, I’m Mary. I am an addict’s mother. For over 30 years my son struggled with addiction and died 5 years ago. My journey began when I was a young mother and ended up in the emergency room to get my first child checked out for a cut he got on his forehead from falling off his bike. After seeing the doctor, we were referred to see the social worker who asked me what kind of drugs he used, because the cut on his head looked like something someone would get from drug abuse. When I asked for more information about this and told her that I knew nothing about any drugs or alcohol being abused by my child, she told me that it looks like he was using meth (methamphetamine). That was when everything changed for me, because at that moment, everything came crashing down around me and suddenly it became clear why all those other strange things had been happening in our house over the past few years!
My son is an addict.
As a mom, you know how hard it is to feel like you can’t do anything.
So I’m going to tell you something that’ll make things easier: there’s nothing that makes me feel more helpless than trying to help my son with his addiction.
I want to fix him, and I want him fixed now! But that isn’t how addiction works. It’s not just a matter of willpower or strength, so if we were able to control everything in our lives (or just my son’s), then he would be fine by now. Unfortunately for us all, he has been struggling for years and shows no signs of stopping anytime soon.
Helping your child with an addiction means learning to prioritize yourself as well.
When your kid is struggling with addiction, you may find yourself putting everyone else’s needs on your list before your own. You may even be the one who takes care of them.
This can be tricky because it means that you are often taking care of other people while neglecting yourself in the process. While this is understandable and acceptable for a period of time, it’s important to make sure that you are still taking care of yourself as well.
Making sure you are getting enough sleep and eating healthy meals can go a long way in helping to take care of those around us–it will also help us feel better too! It’s not easy when there’s so much going on all around us but making sure we take good care of ourselves makes everything a little easier in the long run.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You may think that your child’s addiction is a secret, but it isn’t anymore. Your child has been using for so long that it’s become a part of who he is-and you and your family are affected by it as well. There are several ways you can get help:
- Talking with doctors or therapists: If you have access to professional help, take advantage of it! You don’t need to go alone because there are many other parents dealing with similar situations out there. In fact, there’s even a group called ACOA (Adult Children Of Alcoholics) which specializes in helping people who grew up in homes where alcohol was abused. This group offers support and empathy from others who understand what you’re going through–and they will allow you to vent about the frustration or anger caused by your situation without judgment or fear of ridicule or criticism from anyone else around them…
It’s not your fault that they are an addict.
It’s not your fault, Mom
It’s hard to remember this, but it is true: You are not responsible for your son’s addiction. It may seem like it is, because you raised him and you tried to do the best job possible. But in reality, the decisions he makes are his own. You don’t make his choices; he does. The same goes for recovery and relapse—you can provide support and tools for change (and I’ll talk about those more later), but ultimately it is up to your son to decide which path he wants to take at any given time.
Be good to yourself, even if you’re scared.
I think the biggest challenge for me, as a mom of an addict, is to remember that I’m not responsible for my child’s addiction. I am not a bad parent because my son has an addiction. I have tried very hard to be the best parent possible and do everything in my power to help him stop using drugs or alcohol but it didn’t work. My son made his decision to use drugs and alcohol and we have no control over that decision or how long it will take before he decides he wants help.
I want you to know that there is hope even if your child is still using drugs or alcohol. Even if they haven’t asked for help yet, there are many resources available today that were not available when I first started my journey (and believe me – when you’re dealing with this type of problem, every day counts!).
It’s hard being a caregiver but please don’t give up on yourself! You are not alone in this fight…and neither am I!
Reach out to other parents who have similar experiences and different ones too.
Another way to deal with your feelings is to reach out to other parents who have had similar experiences and different ones too. It’s important that you don’t compare yourself or your family to others, but it can be helpful to know that there are other parents out there who have experienced what you have and may be able to help guide you through this difficult time.
You can talk with other parents through online chat rooms and forums, at meetings of local support groups (especially those whose focus is on addiction), or even in person if these options work for you. Some counselors will also meet with groups of parents whose children struggle with addiction individually or as part of a larger group experience, so keep this option in mind as well if it appeals to you personally.
If none of these options seem like good fits for your situation—or if they do but just aren’t available where you live—consider reaching out directly via phone calls or letters instead! You might want some privacy when talking about sensitive topics such as drug use and recovery processes; however, reaching out by phone or letter allows us many more opportunities than does typing text into our phones while sitting alone at home all day long!
There are some things that can help you through having a child who is addicted to something, like drugs or alcohol.
There are some things that can help you through having a child who is addicted to something, like drugs or alcohol.
- Reach out to other parents who have similar experiences. It’s so helpful to talk with someone who understands what you are going through and who has been where you are at this point in time. It helps to know that there are others who understand the pain and heartache of watching your child suffer from addiction; but also remember that there are many different ways for people to respond when faced with such an obstacle, so don’t take any one person’s opinion too seriously!
- Be good to yourself first! Self-care is so important during times like these because we tend not only turn inward but also begin putting ourselves last on our list of priorities as we focus on trying our best for everyone else around us (which is totally understandable). Make time each day just for YOU—whether it be meditation, journaling or simply taking a walk outside by yourself—this will help keep your sanity intact during this difficult time.
- Be patient with yourself! Patience may be something we lack at times like these when dealing with an addict in our family but trust me…if they were able apply patience within themselves then they wouldn’t be using substances/alcohol in the first place…so instead of focusing on their lack thereof try focusing instead upon YOUR patience level/ability/etc., which will greatly benefit both YOURSELF AND THEM (in turn helping THEM recover quicker).
Conclusion
You’re not alone and it’s important to take care of yourself so you can be there for your child.